Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
