he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize