Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
