I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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