You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
