Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
