i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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