im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
