While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
