Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
