I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
