He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize