you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
