bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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