I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
