i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize