She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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