Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
