I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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