Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
