I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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