how hairy? two words: wookie tits
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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