I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
