making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize