dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
