im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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