if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
