broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
God, I missed his penis.
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