for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
