Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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