So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
