I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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