he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
