when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
