God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
