Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
