she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
