Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
