So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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