The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
