I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
