for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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