is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
