So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
