wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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