when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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