Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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