Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
