Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
