From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize