Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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