I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
