Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
