I puked a lego.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize