I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
