Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
