I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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