We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
