We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
