had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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