The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
