Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
