Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I just put wine in my tea
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
