Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
