we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
