He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
