Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
