Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
