She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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