do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
