So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
