At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
