can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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