Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
false alarm. still invincible.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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